by
Roberto Abraham Scaruffi
Braiker, H. B., Who's Pulling Your Strings? How to Break
the Cycle of Manipulation and Regain Control of Your Life, McGraw-Hill, 2004.
(Braiker 2004).
Harriet B. Braiker
The basic message of
this work is gaining some safety distance from other people, from external
situations and, I would add, also from ourselves, for avoiding the traps of
manipulation and self-manipulation. Manipulation is not only against our
interests and our mental and physical health, but, finally, also against the
same interests of the manipulators. It is anyway against the interests of the
people near us, being them manipulators, or direct or indirect victims/targets.
It is never too early to
break a manipulation dynamics, if already started, or to avoid it if there are
the symptoms of its starting. The manipulator is always an ill person, and even
more ill when he/she fells invested with some superior and external source of
power.
According to (Braiker 2004), this is the list of vulnerabilities of a
manipulatable person:
@ Button No. 1: You Have
the Disease to Please—People-Pleasing Habits and Mind-Sets.
@ Button No. 2: You Are
Addicted to Earning the Approval and Acceptance of Others.
@ Button No. 3: You Have
“Emotophobia”—Fear of Negative Emotions.
@ Button No. 4: Lack of
Assertiveness and an Inability to Say No.
@ Button No. 5: The
Vanishing Self.
@ Button No. 6: Low
Self-Reliance.
@ Button No. 7: External
Locus of Control.
How to deal with a
manipulator? Simply, let him/her alone with his/her own illness. Ignore
him/her. Avoid him/her.
According to (Braiker 2004), the usual suspects of manipulation are:
= the Machiavellian
personality,
= the narcissistic
personality disorder,
= the borderline
personality disorder,
= the dependent
personality disorder,
= the histrionic
personality disorder,
= passive-aggressive
personalities.
= type A angry [high-stress]
personalities,
= the con or antisocial
personality disorder,
= addictive
personalities.
All these
characteristics may be found in Secret Police officers and in Statesmen using
them for all the form of State Terrorism (massacres, creation and management of
terrorism groups, creation and management of mafia families and organizations,
assassinations, State/government organized stalking or other persecutions, world
terrorism, permanent war, etc etc), and, of course, also in people cooperating
with them just they ask for.
Actually, there is not
any real border between the manipulator and the manipulated. A manipulator is a
manipulated. And a manipulated is a manipulator. The two aspects are linked
from the same incurable pathologies. When a manipulated person asks for the
help of a specialist, it is because he/she wants to be manipulated from a
specialist telling him/her what to do.
When is a
person more vulnerable to manipulation (Braiker 2004, 115-116)? When one is in
transition, making some significant life-change, thinking about a life-change
in motion, has just suffered a substantial loss, being in a period of increased
instability and uncertainty. Actually, a normal and vital human being is always
‘in transition’!
The final spice, for facing
manipulation, is a bit of courage. Frequently people have not it. A manipulator
does not need your pity, not even your contempt! Coldly liquidate him/her!
Braiker, H. B., Who's Pulling Your Strings? How to Break
the Cycle of Manipulation and Regain Control of Your Life, McGraw-Hill, 2004.
